“When I die and you’re not where I am, please have the heart to record your eulogy and send it to my funeral. Make it beautiful, so beautiful that my eyes would well up with tears.”
“I couldn’t make you cry. You’re already dead.”
“Do it, so my soul would.”
As to how long your soul would last on the premises of the living for you to hear what I have to say about you and somehow touch your soul, I wouldn’t know. Nonetheless, I have nothing to lose if I try. Maybe I haven’t told you that when I was younger, I used to write my prayers, wishes and secret messages on a piece of paper, burn it as soon as I finish, hoping the wind would carry my words and whisper it to God’s ear. I thought it was faster than prayers, so I considered doing that for you…
But if I did, no one would ever know how lovely and lively, how tragically beautiful, how witty and fun you were. I guess the world deserves to know.
For all those times you stood awake, even in the 5-hour time gap, thank you. Though things have not been good to us all the time, you were one of those people who chose to stay, accepting me for who I was, who I am and who I’m not. I will definitely miss your encouraging words. The comforting assurance you give when everything doesn’t seem to be on track. I will miss how you carefully choose your words and make things easy. I will miss the thought of you just being there, whether we are talking or not. Maybe we forget the value of a person when we know that they are always available and I’m sorry… for not being able to reach out as often as you do.
We could’ve done so much if distance was cut short. We could’ve gone places, ate too much and sang an awful lot of 80 and 90’s love songs only people like us would relate to. I could’ve seen you push yourself to fit on a jean which is one size short or squeeze yourself in a skirt. It would have been hilarious and worth remembering… because it would be with you.
I think the world deserves to know how strong you were, how enduring your spirit was. You were one heck of an Incredible Hulk. You bore sorrow and carried a lot of burdens. You have cried tons, got disappointed one circumstance too much, grieved, mourned… and yet you stood up fighting. You may have come out crying amidst all the inconvenience that the world threw but you, you came out fighting. And if that doesn’t make you a wonderful woman, I don’t know what will.
Because in this life and even on the next, you will always be in my heart.